Priorities and Preponderances

  I hope this cool, breezy weather quiets my mind a little.  I feel like the last several months, my brain has been scattered all across the universe, not really able to focus on one thing long enough to accomplish it.  Finally, last week, I felt productive at home.  I felt more on the ball than I have in awhile.  I'm trying to center my motivation and focus on one task at a time, but plan for many tasks that I want to get done.  Forever now, I've been saying the same things:  I want to become a better runner and enter some 5K's, I want to keep up with my housework, I want to be more physically fit in general and hone in on some self discipline, I want to cook more, I want to study for and take the CCRN, I want to become a better and more intelligent nurse, I want to do the clinical ladder, I want to start volunteering somewhere, I want to pick up hours at work (so I can go on a shopping spree!), I want to read more books.... etc.  Some of these definitely have more precedence than the others, but the only thing standing in between me and these goals, is ME!  It's like I think about them so much that I don't get any of them done-- or I convince myself there is not enough time.  I do believe there is enough time; look at all the people that have families where the parents are going to school and doing extracurriculars at work.  They are somehow managing.  I'm always preaching to live in the moment, but I think I so often strain over the future that time flies by me while I'm stressing away.  Not to mention, half the time I worry over some very inconsequential people and circumstances.  No need to waste my time on these "expendables."  Not trying to sound insensitive or hateful, I just know that most of us have these worthless little demons that we shouldn't give the time of day. 

 ... Maybe that will be my salvation... Blame my scatter-smatter-brainedness on the crazy humidity of summer... or the post-wedding bliss/stress.  This has most definitely been a whirlwind year for my husband and I, but it's time for me to stop using that as my crutch.  Time to step up to the plate and do a lot more living, and maybe a little less stressing-thinking.  I'm just ready to change this paradigm... not talk about it or think about it anymore, just actually do it.. because these are really actually things I want to do for my benefit and fulfillment... not because I "have to."